I’m pretty confident when it comes to God, but when it comes to me, most of the time I am scared to death with insecurities. Yet I know the most good comes when people feel the fear and do whatever they have been called to do anyway. The Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, is full of people who did great things for God in the face of fear, and that is an amazing encouragement.
In my heart it is abundantly clear I have been chosen by God to work in Haiti as a fulltime missionary. And that scares me to death. But I know God has plans for me and my calling greater than any fear I may have. I am the solution to a problem only I can fix. I have tried to step out of the winepress.
Coming to Haiti as an intern after attempting to raise fulltime support has yet again confirmed my calling to live in Haiti, to work with the orphan and vulnerable child, to live the life God has called me to have. But the world has been holding me back. What would happen if I never leave this winepress, not out of my own fear but due to not having the proper support to get myself here? My life would be meaningless. Every day I continue to exist in this winepress, I drift farther away from God and what He has called me to do. How much am I missing each day the world is holding me back? How much of God’s great love are others missing? I want to feel the fear of doing what God has called me to do, not the fear of finding out what happens if I can’t get myself in a place where it is possible.
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.
I want to feel the fear of doing what God has called me to do, not the fear of finding out what happens if I don’t listen to His call. If I do not feel the fear and do what He has called me to do, my life is meaningless.